well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
