remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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