she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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