and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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