when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
