My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
