I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
