shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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