the condom got lost in my hair
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
