no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
