I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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