i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
