my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
