lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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