so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize