He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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