happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
