things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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