i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
