i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
