If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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