Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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