After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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