My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
