umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
