I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
