coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
