i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
