We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
