It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize