i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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