saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
