hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
