Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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