she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
