There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
