Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
