i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
