so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
