Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
