I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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