Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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