Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Less talking, more tequila
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
