Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
