You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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