I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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