Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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