we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
