i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
