But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just found puke in my bra..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
