So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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