Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
