I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
