the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize