mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize