the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
