Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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