Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
