Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
