after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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