i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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