a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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