pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
