Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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