I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
