Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize