$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize
