So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize