I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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