I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
