We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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